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Showing posts with label reality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reality. Show all posts

Sunday, October 20, 2024

Echo Chamber? We Don't Do that Here.

 


It seems like most humans naturally like echo chambers. If asked, I think most people would say they don't cultivate an echo chamber or that they don't want that experience. Still, we often unconsciously move towards them. It's a lot more comfortable for most people when most people around you agree with your views and say things which support them. It can make you feel appreciated or confident. The positive feeling there is normal so it's hard to fault people for falling into it when it happens kind of accidentally. It's another thing when people force an echo chamber to develop. 


In an exoteric sense, avoiding echo chambers is important for magicians to learn, explore, and challenge ourselves. The nature of what we do really requires that we have that challenge and that we build facility with exploring. We also need to be able engage with and put ourselves in the headspace for a variety of ideas and perspectives even if they aren't ultimately our own or the ones we most often see as useful. 


More than that, SPIRITS. We routinely seek communication with non-physical beings. The way they communicate with us is filtered through our own understanding and our internal language much more so than communication with physical beings is. 


When we cultivate, or even allow ourselves to fall into, a life primarily built on echo chambers, it's a lot harder to recognize them. That makes it easy to ignore when our spirit interactions start to look like an echo chamber.


Why would spirits allow themselves to parrot your opinions? Well, unless they're tricking you, they probably won't just parrot your opinions. 


Spirits should surprise you, challenge you, disagree with you, and teach you new things just as much as they agree with you, support you, and confirm things for you. The interactions should be varied and natural rather than play out as a constant reaffirmation of your expectations.


Sometimes...they might even just ignore you. 


If your spirits only ever agree with you, only ever make you feel awesome special and chosen, or only ever match your expectations...you might just be deluding yourself. Or you might have spirits deluding you. You might have spirits showing up and doing stuff you ask but you might be completely misunderstanding or even making up the communication. 


Do the spirits all have the same voice? Do they all seem like your voice? Do they all seem like something movies have taught you to expect? Do they lack individual mannerisms and characteristics? The answer shouldn't be yes to these questions. If it is, you have an echo chamber and it might be entirely populated by you, or worse, things feeding your expectations to take advantage of you. The former is probably more likely though. 


Jumping back a bit...the spirits might not always agree with you but they might always fit your expectations. If you think angels will always be antagonistic and condescending and the angels you talk to exclusively fit a caricature of a condescending holier than thou, human-hater then how much of what you're experiencing is your imagination fulfilling your expectations? If demons are always cuddly misunderstood friends with no danger, or are always snarling monsters out to trick you, again, is this lack of nuance and this solid proof of your own biases an actual consistent element of spirit manifestations or is it your imagination? 


If spirits show up and tell you that you're a piece of crap all the time, and you believe you're a piece of crap or you believe they think you're a piece of crap, that is just as much of an echo chamber as the spirits showing up and telling you that you're amazing. 


Sometimes, the spirit echo chamber isn't hurting much except for robbing you of a more authentic and more helpful experience. Sometimes it might lead you to choices that could be damaging...but so could a real spirit interaction.


Ultimately, you need discernment. You can't test the identity of the spirit fully, but you can look for evidence of their presence, their activity in your life, the accuracy of the info they give you, or even whether or not what you're perceiving is what they're trying to communicate. Build those tools to test and explore your experiences. Use discernment the same way you should with humans in bodies. Look for nuance and individuality in the spirit world like you would in the real world. 


We all need to hold this mirror up to ourselves from time to time, myself included. We need to examine whether socially with embodied persons or spiritually with non-embodied persons if we’re authentically allowing ourselves to experience what’s out there. When we do, hopefully it allows us a richer and deeper world. 


Expect surprises.



*****(I would assume it goes without saying but it probably doesn’t, this is not advocating that you make space in your life for obvious non-starters, like people who are trying to hurt you. There are some things out there we need to avoid for our own safety and sanity. It is still valuable to be aware that those things are out there though.)*****


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Wednesday, January 26, 2022

Real Magic Fake Experts

 


          There is a popular meme, "some of you have never [experienced X] and it shows." I think, looking at a lot of forums, that can be said about real magic.

          A lot of popular books on magic focus on religious and mystical experiences, self-help, and seeking psychological catharsis. It's less common for magic to be focused on miraculous effects, or even not so miraculous but still discernibly magical effects. As a result, for a lot of people magic stays within the realm of religious experience and mental reflection - or rituals to give you the feels.

          Sometimes that's ok. Sometimes that's what people need. I wish we could get away from calling some of those activities magic, because it muddies the waters of discussion and makes it harder for people trying to find actual magic to find it.

          Browsing forums over the years has made me realize there are three things which people often say which indicate that either they have a shallow knowledge base or they have little experience of the actual capability of magic to make real world changes. Not everyone needs a deep knowledge base, and not everyone needs to make or recognize miraculous moments. It's unfortunate when the ideas that stem from this paucity become common or predominate though, and sadly they often are.

          The first of these is the knee jerk response that everything is dangerous. Yes, everything is dangerous. You are at risk if you lay in bed all day, you are at risk if you get up and leave your bed. That doesn't mean nothing should be done. Risk has different levels. Different ways to mitigate and control risk exposure exist in different activities. Different situations and potential successes make the acceptable level of risk also a variable factor. So an empty response of "that's dangerous" does no one any good.

          People who understand what they're talking about might explain what the dangers are, and how to successfully manage them. Or they might say "this approach is undesirable because these dangers exist and it doesn't manage them or have enough success to make them worthwhile, this other approach is better because XYZ reasons."

          People who don't understand things are more likely to say "This was written by this author I've never read, his materials are advanced but he was a bit mad and so his work is too dangerous to be useful." "This author was in league with dark forces and they led him to misunderstand the true nature of magic, which I understand from studying systems that are watered down versions of said author's work."

          Ok, so they won't hand their ignorance to you on a silver platter like that, but it's easy enough to read between the lines. More often you'll just get "that kind of spell is dangerous," "no one should ever do that because you can't control it," "only dark magicians would do that kind of magic, it's very dangerous," or other similarly vague and spooky warnings with no substance.

          The real keys here are "is the warning substantive?" and "does the substance make sense?" If the answer to these questions is no then maybe look for someone else to answer your questions. If your answers are always like that, maybe realize you aren't ready to answer questions.

          The second common fail-boat response is, "google it," "we don't spoon-feed people here," "no one is here to teach you," "shouldn't you know that if you're ready to do this magic?"

          Admittedly, sometimes, the last challenge to a question is a reasonable one. Google it might be a reasonable response occasionally too based on the way someone is asking stuff or if you've provided some help but they need more. The other two make sense much less often.

          I've written about this before. In most disciplines, experts are overjoyed to talk about their specialized area of expertise. Experts often want to share and teach. In magic, this is actually often the case too...although a lot of experts don't like the drama and hassle of public forums so they just aren't super active there. They might skip responding to posts if they don't have time or interest in answering. I have rarely see any bruskly brush off a sincere question. In the case of a forum, I would also assume any question that isn't clearly trolling is sincere enough.

          Magic doesn't have a clear bar for expertise. Expertise isn't easily testable. Expertise could refer to practical capability or to learned knowledge and those would have different measures. There are no standards or accreditation organizations. There is nothing barring Andy Random from reading a book or two, attending an online chatroom sabbat ritual and declaring himself a high priest of the ancient moon cult of witches. People do this pretty much daily. A lot of people establish their status as experts in forums by virtue of being loud and condescending. There are also those who establish it with fancy names, flashy weird back-stories, and routine seemingly pithy hot-takes that are easy to deconstruct but too sassy to want to shoot down...but that's a whole different issue.

          The loud and condescending sort would never dream of answering questions. Because they'd have to reveal that they don't know stuff. Actual experts will answer things when they have the time or inclination, and they will admit they don't know or are not the best source of information when something is outside of their scope.

          The final example is the one which made me write today's post. Originally I was just going to tweet "people who think magic never has any actual methodology clearly have never experienced real magic," or something like that. Maybe pithier...maybe more scathing, or maybe more gentle. Then I thought, "well it needs more clarity, so maybe a longer tweet? maybe a Facebook status?" Then I decided I'd do a blog post...just a paragraph or two, but then this happened. That's pretty much me in an exploded nutshell though.

          Anyone familiar with forums knows that the most predominant idea in the magical and NeoPagan communities is "it's all about intention," "the only thing that matters is intention," "there are no rules, it's just whatever it means to you because it's about intention," "answers to your question don't matter, because what matters is how you feel because it's about your intentions."

          Intention is important in magic, because magic is often accomplished through taking various mundane actions and combining them in a symbolic way and activating them through the intention to perform magic by doing them. Intention is important in the sense that magic is an intentional act. Even that is kind of a weak argument for intention because there is more to it than that. Not any actions performed with the intention of doing magic will always produce magic, and some actions might produce magic even without an aware intention on the part of the doer.

          The idea that magic is about what you intend to manifest, and that magical acts are relatively meaningless in the face of your intentions is a nonsensical sort of misunderstanding and one which is very easily demonstrably false. If this were the case, we wouldn't ever need to learn any magic, we could just intend for things to happen. We wouldn't ever run into mistakes or mishaps in magic, because our real intentions will just show through no matter what we do. Everyday acts would all be magical because we would always have some intended outcome, and things would always match our intentions. Instead of the saying "the road to hell is paved with good intentions," being common in our culture, we would instead recognize universally that what someone intended to do is what's important, because their intentions will win out in the end.

          Obviously, I am not a strictly by the book magician. I'm an educated magician, but I have all the messy eccentricity that just about everyone who grew up with bits and bobs of magic and the influence of spirits they encountered as children shaping their early experiments in magic. I think experimentation, innovation, and substitution are necessary. I also think these things are better when people have a good base knowledge of the system they're working with and other systems. I also know that there are things which can go wrong when symbols, materials, names, and spirits are used without understanding them or without working with them in the correct ways.

          Ironically, people who are quick to mock assertions that some things are correct and other things are incorrect are the same people who will say "never try this because it's spooky dangerous." This overlap kind of illustrates how both are based in not really getting that magic has real power, and that power can do great things, and that great things can be stuff we're happy about or stuff that devastates us.

          I have seen real magic do intense things. Sometimes, intense things can be really small but still incredibly impressive. Sometimes they are huge. I've seen it destroy towns, end lives, save lives, save homes, deliver fortunes to people unexpectedly, I've seen liquidations of investments in failed businesses yield people great returns, I've seen people healed of things where doctors were confused or avoid illness that seemed unavoidable. The list of stuff where it is inexplicable and clearly not just psychology or coincidence is endless. Magic being real and powerful doesn't mean people are throwing fireballs or flying around cities, or using magic carpets instead of airplanes. It means real powerful effects which can shake the foundation of your perceptions of reality and power are a standard element of magic.

          When we consider that simple tools can have that kind of power we must consider that there are correct and incorrect ways to use those tools. This isn't meant in a moral sense. I'm not saying if you want to destroy some village because someone offended you at a dinner party that that is an incorrect use of magic. It would be a pretty awful thing to do and I'd hope you weren't going to do it. I'm saying I've seen things that let me know that that is possible. I've seen things that let me know that completely innocent uses of magic can go horribly wrong when we don't understand how the tools we're using work or how they assemble into the effects we're trying to create.

          So when someone says "these things shouldn't be used together because of the way their effects combine or cancel," or "this should be used in this way but not this way because chances are this will happen," we should ask why and explore whether or not the advise is reasonable. We shouldn't mock the idea that the advise exists because it's all about intention.

          If your answer is "I lazily spin in my chair while wearing three talismans and sitting next to a bowl of crystals and I'm fine," then yeah, you probably are fine. You're probably also not doing any actual magic and aren't equipped to answer questions about actual magic. Your practice of feeling empowered is probably great for you, but that's probably most of what you've got going on.

          It would be very easy to read what I'm saying here as reactive and sensationalist. A lot of real magical work won't do things which are cataclysmic if we make a little mistake here or there. More likely, we'll make a mistake and get no meaningful result, or we'll make a little mistake and our result will be misdirected off from our goal. The damage here is simply the loss of opportunity to get what we wanted or needed. This kind of problem can be a great learning experience for tweaking method. If we don't recognize that methods have an impact then we don't consider making those tweaks. Not understanding that there is a reality to magical acts limits us from improving.

          As we become more proficient and move on to more intermediate and advanced methods - if we can really consider them in that kind of hierarchy - we start to encounter possibilities which might have more consistently powerful effects. Depending upon the moment and the magician super simple super basic things can have very powerful effects. There are also approaches that tend to be more likely to produce those because of the spirits or the natural powers which are involved in effecting them.

          As we engage those techniques, we might not realize powers or tendencies that a particular spirit has. Or we might not recognize how certain elements of our timing impact the spirits or the natural forces we are applying to the situation. If we understand those things we can sometimes navigate them. We can put restrictions in place, or take additional measures, or involve other spirits to help manage the effects and avoid undesirable side effects or undesirable means by which the goal is manifested.

          This is not to say that if you do a spell for money that your most likely option for a windfall is a relative dying and leaving you money, so your spell will unintentionally kill someone. There are various reasons why that is not super likely. More to the point, it's saying that if you ask a spirit who gives dignities in war and grants treasure to bring you money, and you do it in the day and hour of Mars, while Mars is exalted, and the Moon is aspecting Mars, and Jupiter and Mercury are in signs ruled by Mars, and Jupiter is afflicted by an aspect with Saturn then maybe violence, war or chaos will bring about your monetary goal. If you recognize those factors, maybe you pick a different spirit, or maybe you choose a different time, or incorporate talismans or ritual magic components to offset the electional qualities of the time at which you're doing your work.

          For a more simple example, a love spell intended to make a particular person desire you won't necessarily end up like the rapey obsession that occurred when Robin Tuney enchanted Skeet Ulrich. First he becomes a doting and vacant servant, following around the witch who ensorcelled him. Then he becomes obsessed, he can't eat, he can't sleep, he tries to see her at inappropriate times, and eventually attempts to rape her. This is the horror story that people hold up as an example of the danger of love spells. It's kind of ironic since it's from a horror movie, albeit minor horror, and usually people would dismiss the idea that magic works the way it does in horror movies.

          Doing a spell which is effective but misguided could easily result in this kind of effect. I am aware of someone doing a spell intended to kind of turn things up in a developing relationship and it involved some pepper oil for passion and the candle caught the oil and ended up igniting most of the spell components in a conflagration. The spell was left in a fireproof area in case something like that happened and ended up safely burning itself out. Something came up and the magician decided to put off their date with the object of the spell and the person effected by the spell became somewhat enraged and demanded they must have their date then. That fiery passion clearly took hold. Nothing bad happened though.

          We could take the mistake further. Maybe we take two red candles and some crimson rose petals for passion. We take some oils for lust and obsession and dress the candle with those and with red pepper oil. We add some additional components for heat and to speed up the spell. We carve the names of the two people intended to get together into the candles and bind the together. The candle for the suitor being spelled gets rose thorns stuck into it to create a painful and irritating desire. We obtain the assistance of an intranquil spirit and command it to disturb the target with dreams, a loss of sleep, a loss of appetite, a burning in their blood, until they are with the person that they are intended to pursue. We agitate the spirit with peppers and fire and threats of damnation. Maybe we are afraid that the target will be too inert because of their nature, so we call on spirits ruled by Mars to stir the blood to action and make our suitor take initiative.

          This spell would be pretty awful, but it would be pretty effective.  It would also be full of things that shouldn't go together in this context unless measures are taken to also cool the effects of the spell and soothe everything which is stirred up in the target. If the person who desires the suitor doesn't want sex, or wants to play coy and feel pursued, then this spell is probably asking for violence to happen.

          Some people might say "this is why you don't do love spells," but you could do one which doesn't do this and accomplishes the goal. Maybe you obtain personal effects from the two people. Put them in a pink sachet with pink rose petals, sugar, a load stone dressed in iron filings and oil suited to affection and attention. Anoint two pink or two green candles with the same oils and carve in their names, drizzle them in honey, and sprinkle honeysuckle over them. Maybe add some elements related to beauty on the candle for the person who wants to be desired, and courage for the person who the spell intends to turn into a suitor. Light the candles next to each other so they will melt into the same place. Call on spirits ruled by Venus and ask them to make the beauty of the individual inspire affection and sweet treatment from the suitor.

          The elements of the spell will effect the nature of the results. In both cases, Sally Spellman obtains her desired suitor. In one case, the suitor is more likely to be wound up, horny, and agitated by desire. In the other case the suitor is more likely to be affectionate and caring and attracted to Sally's qualities.

          It's not the ethical nature of the spell that potentially results in disaster, it's the way the spell tries to create the effect and whether or not the effect is directed and channeled in a way which safely allows the effect and deals with the specifics of how the spell is working. When we don't consider what we're doing, why we're doing it, and how it works, we can't consider how it will develop and how we need to address that development.

          You'll also notice that while I'm talking about dangers here, none of them are spooky vague dangers. All the dangers are based in specific elements of how and why this could be dangerous and how it can be dealt with. This again, is the different between that first issue that reveals that someone isn't super aware of magic.

          All in all, it's easy to be the guy that says "No, that's just spooky dangerous for no real reason," "you should just google it because we won't spoon-feed you," and "your intention is all that matters so do whatever you want." It takes less work to answer questions this way. It takes less work to read a few books, buy cool necklaces and crystals and live an aesthetic that makes you feel good. It takes less work to develop a basic practice of magic and basic understanding and never expand it.

          It isn't just laziness though. It can be scary to open up to a world with more possibilities and more risks. It can be scary to open up to a world where you might have real power and therefore might have to be responsible for things you do with that power. It can be incredibly depressing to hold onto power, and do really cool stuff and still be routinely faced with situations where you can't do anything about them, or where you feel too inert or unsure to try doing anything about them and are forced to still feel small and powerless and to try and unpack those feelings relative to moments of power. It's not necessarily a simpler easier world. It can be a rewarding world, but it is a choice that still opens you up to other things you will have to deal with. It's just as reasonable to not want that world as it is to want the rewards that go with that world. It isn't reasonable to reject that world and then still pretend to be an expert and get in the way of other people finding it.

          Thanks for reading, please show support by following and sharing. You can also visit our Support page for ideas if you want to help out with keeping our various projects going. Or follow any of the links below.

 

If you enjoyed this please like, follow, and share on your favorite social media! We can be followed for updates on Facebook.

 

 

 

If you’re curious about starting conjuration pick up my new book – Luminarium: A Grimoire of CunningConjuration

 

 

 

If you want some help exploring the vast world of spirits check out my first book – Living Spirits: A Guide to Magic in a World of Spirits

 

 

 

Now Available: An Audio Classand collection of texts on the Paracelsian Elementals

 

 

 

More Opportunities for Support and Classes will show up at Ko-Fi

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

The Real Secrets of Magic


A couple months ago a message board had a question about magical secrets, and whether or not real secrets still existed. They do, but not in the way they were intending the question. They exist in an experiential and contextual fashion rather than things that can be written down and read in books.

There is one important element of experiential secrets that tends not to get talked about. Even people who discuss the nature of initiatics or of the power of experiential mysteries don't talk about a particular sort of secret experience.

In life we all do countless things, and have countless experiences, each with their own consequences both small and profound. People at times talk about the secret life of magicians and initiates, in the sense of exploring deeper planes of reality and hidden things other people don't consider or don't see. With this secret life we experience knowledge, responsibilities and consequences outside of the range of experience of the average person. The propensity to experience wonders, and things of immense consequence both good and bad easily leads to experiences we can't tell anyone about. Things which might be immense, which might really affect us, but which we must deal with alone.

The true secrets of magic are in the the immense power magic holds, and the things it allows magicians to do, that we don't ever tell anyone, and the ways in which these experiences and these secrets shape us.

When I was in college, I took a class called Philosophy of Parapsychology. In it, one of the frequent topics addressed was “fear of psy” it was the idea that people with psychic or paranormal abilities may not be able to repeat them because once they exhibit a power or manifestation that is clear and potent enough to assure them of the reality of the ability the question of responsibility and consequence arises. Once you know you can move something small with your thoughts, or can hear what someone else thinks, you have to ask could you hurt someone with that power? Or if you know something you shouldn't be able to know, and you don't act on that knowledge, are you responsible if someone gets hurt? The idea in Parapsychology seems to be that this concern over responsibility for consequences is crippling to the average person. Most people don't want that level of power.

The same thing comes up in magic. You'd think people seeking out the power of magic instead of just stumbling on it would have addressed that concern prior to beginning. But there is a big difference between the idea of power, that in your heart you probably don't yet believe in, and being faced with the realization that you can really do some amazing stuff. Faced with it, not through some intellectual ascent, but because you experiment, you try things, you plumb the depths and bring back some proof of power. Something you can't un-see, something you can't unknow. It's there. Power is real. It's in your hands. Can you handle it?

A lot of people can't. So a lot of people get involved with magic for reasons related to image, or to a feeling it gives them, or for psychological or emotional empowerment, or to have a community. Many of them believe they are magicians wholeheartedly, but they give lip service to the reality of magic, or they redefine magic into something more comfortable, more convenient, more whitewashed, more powerless. Some of them don't even give lip service to the reality of magic, some of them downplay it, or avoid the topic, comfortable with the use of ritual drama simply used to fulfill emotional or psychological needs.

The truth remains, that magic is real, and has the ability to exert real world power. There is a difference between accepting that from people telling you, and from knowing it because you've seen its power to destroy or create on massive levels. A small spell to help ease financial problems, or to get over the flu faster might not be deeply convincing or might be easy to write off. You tell yourself you did it, you feel good, but in your mind you think even though it makes sense that the magic worked, how can you really know? You know by moving forward, experimenting, pushing deeper, until you have unquestionable results which change your view of yourself, your capabilities, of magic and of the world.

But when this happens...

What if it's something awful? What if it's something you can't tell anyone about because of what it is?

A lot of the time, those things which most easily shake our reality, and which shape our view are the things which we wouldn't want others to know. Those deeply personal secrets of how we fucked up, and something went wrong. Or of how we made a choice, a choice which maybe we regret, or which maybe we're a hundred percent ok with, but other people wouldn't be. We hold onto those secrets, and they build how we see the world and how we understand magic. More so, they reshape ourselves. We hold with us all the great things we've done, all the ways we've helped people, and we hold with us the ways we've hurt people, intentionally, unintentionally, as collateral, sometimes on the road to doing great and wonderful things.

We question who we are, what we did, and what it means for our lives and the lives of others. We question who we can tell, who we can't, who would believe us. This part of the inner experience of the magician, this is part of what's important, but we don't get books, or clubs to hold our hands through it. We have our inner guidance, maybe our close friends, but that's about it.

Some of us run into something bad, and it shakes us and we have to turn from it. Some of us try to turn from it but the reality of magic is so a part of our consciousness that we never really make the turn. Some of us come to a point where we are able to accept whatever happens, process it, and move forward, because, not being magic isn't an option.

So in the end, some of the secrets of magic, the real secrets, are those moments, those experiences, which teach us individually as magicians that magic is in fact real, powerful, and undoubtedly present within our lives. As long as real magicians are doing real magic, there will always be secrets left in the world of magic.


Monday, July 25, 2016

Angels of Emergency Response: The Reality of Magical Solutions

Sometimes when life throws crazy shit at us we don't think to use magic. For prolonged problems, sure, people will turn to magic. But I've also seen people so entrenched in their problem that they don't consider magic until things get way out of hand. People seem even less likely to turn to magic when something sudden and awful happens. You worry, you get scared you think of more effective, real world grounded solutions. But as you become more engaged in magic magic should become an effective, real world, grounded solution.

Like anything we encounter, it will depend on the specific situation. If someone is trying to harm you standing your ground and "shielding" is probably not a good option (if one assumes shielding even has any reality to it). But if you're hiding from someone maybe calling spirits to misdirect them or make you "invisible" is a reasonable way to bolster your efforts to hide. Calling on a martial spirit as you begin to investigate car troubles might make sense. Bewitching an abuser mid-abuse may require a presence of mind the would be too difficult in such a moment. Reality. Magic is real, and like all other tools our use of it should be based on the reality of our capabilities and the reality of the situation.

Skipping magic as a solution because it doesn't feel real, or using magic in an untenable situation because of fantasy ideas or just because you like the good feels are similarly problematic. Both undercut your ability to function as a magician.

These thoughts came up regarding a recent situation that popped up for me.

Two weeks ago I was at work and got a call from my sister. At first I ignored it, I mean who takes calls from their baby sister when they can be planning huge financial movements for clients (or just chatting with work bros about NSFW stuff, that is way more likely). But then I realized my sister doesn't usually call, so it could be an emergency. Sure enough I checked my phone to find a text message "Mom cut her fingers on the electric hedgetrimmers, I'm taking her to the emergency room." I quickly called my sister for more info but she didn't know anymore.

My mother is already pretty dependent on me and has a handful of problems we're already managing. The potential loss of a finger, infection, keeping the finger but with nerve damage or loss of the finger tip, the emotional toll, all of these things swirl in my head, along with thoughts of medical costs and the near impossible task of trying to keep my mom from compounding her injury with house work. So while at my desk at work, I let out a sigh, drew the seal of the Sun from the Heptameron, and wrote Raphael in Hebrew on the back of my business card then conjured Raphael.

About and hour and a half later my sister was at my office with my mom, they were on their way to get an antibiotic. It should have taken my sister about twenty minutes to get to my mom, twenty minutes to the doctor and thirty to me, so she got seen pretty much right away and was treated fast. Ended up not needing an emergency room. Doctor said she was lucky she didn't lose the final digits on her index and middle fingers, she also managed to avoid nerve damage and avoided cutting the tendons. They gave her a shot, prescribed and antibiotic and she was on her way. By the end of the day she could move her fingers again and she had the feeling back in her fingers but without much pain. Two weeks out she's basically better, since she normally heals slowly, and since she grabbed the blades as the trimmer turned on, all in all her lack of injury and swift recovery is pretty impressive. I was fearing major medical bills and on going treatment and problems, but in the end all it cost me $50 for an antibiotic and a sprinkling of red sandal and Abramelin incense that I burned in thanks to Raphael.

Maybe Raphael had no impact and  she would have been fine either way, but we can never know what would have been if we didn't do something. Either way I'm glad, both for my mother's well being and for my own lack of stress that my first thought was "Ok, well I know an angel I can ask for help."